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Toe Sucking Arrest

Toe-Sucking Creep Indulges On Phalanges After Asking To Pray With Woman

How do you feel about feet, gang? Well, one Gainesville man really, really likes them. So much so, that he decided to help himself to a lady’s toes (without getting clearance first, of course).

Fifty-two-year-old Hasmukhbhai Patel noticed a woman standing outside her apartment building dragging on a cigarette. Patel approached her with the opening line most guys use when they want to get with a lady — “Let me pray for you.” According to the Alligator, he began to do so and, we presume, this involved getting on his knees because somehow the story graduates to him placing the woman’s five right toes inside his mouth and going to town. ‘Lest you troglodytes think she might have been wanting him to, she was able to kick her way out of it. She then ran inside her apartment, locked the door and called authorities, according to the Alligator.

Patel at first denied the event, then moved to saying it was just a prayer, then said he “may have” touched her feet. He eventually confessed, was arrested, and, for some reason, let go. So, apparently Florida doesn’t consider forcible toe-sucking sexual assault.

[Image via Amy the Nurse | Flickr Creative Commons | Resized and Cropped | CC BY-ND 2.0]