A Tavares, Florida, numbskull got high on meth and did the unthinkable.
According to the Boston Leader, 52-year-old Frank Canfield became combative with his girlfriend, a fellow meth smoker, and threatened her with a knife. After doing so, he took said knife out onto his property and began slicing off his genitals as she screamed for him to stop. Stop he did not. In fact, he finished the job, then walked over to a stream, junk-in-hand, and fed it to a nearby alligator. Witnesses called for help and the man was taken to the hospital where he remains in critical condition from blood loss.
This is one case where you probably don’t want to recover considering his parts are permanently on the shelf. We’ve lived in Florida a long time, and have never heard of an alligator giving back severed genitals once it consumes them. Sorry, Mr. Canfield, you’re out of luck. On a positive note, this is probably the best advertisement against crystal meth that you’re likely to find. Maybe something good will come out of it after all.