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Krystal Burgers Employee Goes On Rampage

Krystal Burgers Weaponized By Disgruntled Lake City Fast Food Cook

The Krystal hamburger is not only the cutest fast food menu item in the land, it also makes for one hell of a projectile to hurl indiscriminately at co-workers when you get pissed off and just can’t deal.

According to a recent report from News 4 Jax, 29-year-old Russell Francis Gomez was absolutely floored when he found out he would be disciplined for showing up late for work without warning. His manager was a woman. This is worth mentioning because we’ve got a sneaking suspicion Gomez wouldn’t have tried pulling the shit that came next on a man. Irate because she did the normal thing and held him personally responsible for his shitty work ethic, he began to prove himself by chunking frozen patties and other food items at her. He also knocked over equipment, poured cooking oil on the floor and engaged in assorted douchebaggery with the restaurant’s electronic equipment. A couple of co-workers tried stopping him when he tried to leave, fearing he might come back with a weapon. Gomez fled and was apprehended peacefully by Lake City Police.

Look, man, we get it. You live in a city that has churned out over a dozen somewhat famous professional athletes. (Pat Summerall, anyone?) We know there’s a temptation to show your stuff, but wasting those delicious fucking mini-burgers isn’t the answer.