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Christopher Carosella Shovel Attack

Hey Floridians, Ever Wanted To Hit A Tourist With A Shovel?

It’s tough being a Floridian. Everyone makes fun of you for all the crazy shit that goes down within your borders, yet where do they usually come when it’s time for summer vacation? That’s right. Florida. Cocaine white beaches and the prettiest people on earth bring them here. But once they arrive, they commit half of the crime and maybe more, according to stats we just made up. Then they have the nerve to frequent sites like this one and call us a train wreck.

Fuck that noise. That’s at least what our champion, Christopher Carosella, had to say. The 53-year-old Treasure Island man had a recent dispute with an 18-year-old tourist, who had ignored Carosella’s command to stop digging a crater-sized hole in the beach. On the young lad’s walk back to the hotel, NWF Daily News reports, the elder gentleman accosted him with a shovel and gave him a couple of well-placed raps. The attack caused “abrasions and bruising,” but also got the point across that we will only take so much of your shit, tourists.

Ignore the fact there are much worse actions than digging a hole in the sand — unless you’re burying a body in which case we say “Everglades, anyone?” This young man had zero respect for his elder. And while 53 is kind of young to be digging into the whole “get off my lawn” act, we get where Grandpa Carosella was coming from here.