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600 Pound Pig Seeks Missing Owner

Florida Deputies Seek Owner Of 600-Pound Pig

The Associated Press via ABC7 out of New York reports that Alachua County deputies have picked up a 600-pound hog roaming free in Gainesville. The little guy — okay, giant fat-ass — was said to be domesticated and in good health.

Deputies got their picture made with the hog and posted to social media before taking it to their impound and putting out notice. Unfortunately, no one has come forward yet, but that could be a blessing in disguise for the hog since, how-the-fuck-do-you-misplace-a-600-pound-hog-you-dumbass.

If the county is unable to find the owner of the hog, they don’t plan to start making pork chops right away. They’ll put him up for auction. If that doesn’t work, we assume it’s barbecue time.